Pump yourself up for a big presentation by flipping on your light switch cufflinks and consulting your affirmation box. Don’t worry, you have your lucky Batman adult Underoos on too—there’s no way you can fail.
Product Page ($65)
From the category archives:
Accessories
Until they develop a “douchebag detector” that will allow people to get soaked if they like shoving old ladies while walking down the street, the many sets of lips on this nylon umbrella appear closed for your convenience in order to keep the rain from pummeling you and ruining your finery.
Product Page: ($260)
These nail clippers come with a unique, yet functional hand or foot shape. They also have a handy chain so that you can attach them to a keychain to have available whenever needed, because God knows you wouldn’t want to confine your personal grooming to your own home. Maybe their odd shape will throw off those that are hunting for the source of that annoying clipping sound.
Product Page ($2.95)
If you’re a teacher or a Mom, this is a great way to finally reveal that extra set of eyes you’ve been telling your kids you have in the back of your head. That should help keep the little monsters in line.
Product Page: (AU$24, or about $22)
Not only does this temporary tattoo let everyone know that you will make absolutely no effort to put on a decent costume, it also lets them know that you damn well expect candy. It can take an even ruder turn if anyone decides that the forehead is not nearly as effective as applying it elsewhere on their body.
Product Page ($3)
If you are trying to hammer home the idea of “’til death do us part” to your significant other at the altar, this pillow will send a message with your wedding bands that is loud and clear.
Product Page ($28)
Attach this version of Mr. P to your cell phone and every time you pick your phone up he will do yet another bungee jump. That much time upside down would disorient your average person, but Mr. P takes all the tough jobs.
Product Page (£8.00, about $13)
Although this crocheted tentacle scarf may appear unique and fashionable, it will probably become a drag when you try and land a husband. When a man spots a woman wearing 52 inches of simulated squid-like tentacles used for grasping and feeding, they’re bound to interpret it as the calling card of a succubus.
Product Page: ($68)
When you hurt yourself, you may find that the same expletive is always on deck waiting to voice your displeasure. These “Bitch Bandages” offer four time-tested favorites that will add some words to your roster and help keep your use of profanities in a healthy rotation. Chances are, you’ll see a dramatic spike in the use of more sanitary terms like “crap!” or “balls!”, allowing the f-bomb to only be called up for major trauma. I’m sure your wife and kids will appreciate that one.
Product Page: ($7)
Duct tape wallets are nerdy enough, but happysadtree has taken the medium to a whole other level with wallets that feature everything from mustaches and breakfast foods to flaming swords. Check out a gallery after the break.
